WHAT IF?

It's been a long time since my eighteenth birthday, it's got water under the bridges, things have happened to it, and I never thought, until Friday, maybe there might be a chance if it's too remote, that if I had celebrated, like all my peers, like my "friends" at the time .. I did not think it was useless to celebrate in those days, it was only another year that passed .. what was really special I did not know , then I realized that my family's economic situation did not allow me to be able to claim anything of what, even though they wanted to give me what they could not possibly have, I decided that I would not celebrate, so I did until I was 25, when I decided that instead of celebrating a day that reminds me that I am one year older, for three days, I leave the city so nobody can say "happy birthday"I'm not one of those fixed with age, and my biological watch I've decided I'm in charge of it, but I hate those who use those phrases of circumstances that are often used to make you feel shit..The point is another, talking to my friend at work, but if I had celebrated my 18th birthday, as did most of my peers at the time, with a mega party, drinking alcohol and so on. would something have changed in me? Many say that this way of being introverted, and wanting to see the world at all costs, in a way that does not exist, is synonymous with something I do not have ... and if I am only one who sees the world with other shades than who follows the current?Do I feel unsuitable for this too? do I have to consider that if I lived my 18 years, how did almost all of them live (that is, in the same manner as flock mode) my life would be different? Well if I ran right down to the south, to celebrate as my peers and friends of the past, my parents would be indebted to my neck, I would not have been so attached to a city I belong now, maybe I would not be able to feel home here, and instead of trying to turn Italy and the world I would be left to go down from my friends, what would be the pros and cons? Surely, I would not find myself in friendship with those who inspire most of my work.
Really our life depends on the famous <and if ..> I really hope not ..